The wisdom of the caterpillar
Have you ever done that school project where you watch a caterpillar turn into a butterfly?
Do you know what the caterpillar does in the cocoon? It wiggles.
It works. It needs the sensory deprivation in order to concentrate and build its wings. Its the resistance in the wiggles that delicately weave the fibers of the wings of the caterpillar. The caterpillar is doing important work in its cocoon even though from the outside, it looks like its doing nothing.
I am a recovering over-do-er. When I have free time on my calendar, I find myself rushing to fill it with meetings, connections, and events. It’s like I am triggered by the blank space of time so much so that I become overwhelmed and discombobulated and just start frantically filling in the blank spaces without intention. And then, when it comes time to show up to the things I have planned, I am resentful of my past self for not considering the spaciousness that I might need.
In the past, sitting still has been borderline painful for me. This overscheduling part of me got a big check in 2020 when the pandemic and my autoimmune conditions forced me to experience life at a slower pace. I learned so much. I learned how much I benefit from saying “no”. I learned how much I grow when I give myself time to reflect. I learned how much a daily little cry-walk benefits my overall ability to be present with the parts of me that need attention.
A year later, I was overscheduled and I practiced something new. I called it ‘cocooning’. I sent out a text to my friends and family. It said
“hi community. I am currently overwhelmed and overscheduled. I will be cocooning for a while. This means i will not be accepting any invitations for socializing unless it is a last minute decision in my best interest. I will be resting and being still. I love you all and i hope you understand”.
It was so hard. There was backlash. It was like people did not understand that my social energy has limits. I lost some folks who said they needed more of me. And I came face to face with the fact that sometimes my best is not good enough.
But recently, i told a friend i missed her and she said “i’m cocooning” and I immediately knew what she meant. She told me that she learned the art of cocooning from me and I felt my heart water rise to my face.
Sometimes when we are not used to setting boundaries and honoring our limits, taking up space feels cruel and selfish. And sometimes years later, we learn that when we do it anyway, we give other people permission to do the same. So, if you need it, take the cocoon.
Want to cocoon in a meaningful way? We have one built in for you! It’s the HELD retreat.